Overwhelmed

Standing on the corner of the cobblestone square, my mind was in twelve places at once. It was taking in the glorious sight of one of Guatemala's most frequented tourist attractions and very active volcano, Fuego. The gigantic mountain had clouds hanging near the top and smoke seeping out the top. There were two little boys behind me, attempting to convince me to buy a wooden flute. They all played the same sweet little melody and asked if I wanted one. There was a man strumming a guitar a few yards behind me. I wondered if he would let me play with him. The tuk-tuks in the street were driving at terrifyingly fast speeds and splashing water up from the puddles that had formed between the stones that devised the streets. It was rainy season and I wasn't sure if the discomfort I was feeling was the 100 % humidity or the words of a team member.

I snapped back to reality and processed what he was saying, "We're doing ATLs. You have the afternoon. Take a partner and Ask The Lord how he wants you to spend it."

PANIC.

Overwhelming panic.

What if I didn't hear anything? What if what I 'hear' is really just something my mind came up with? What if I think I hear one thing and my partner hears another? Speaking of partner... we have to pick partners?!

I was afraid I wouldn't hear from God. As other team members paired up, I stood frozen in the same spot and happened to lock eyes with our sweet team leader. As we leaned against a giant column, Angela softly spoke a sweet prayer asking God to reveal something to us. I'm glad she prayed without hesitation, because I was milliseconds away from throwing up. I told her about the man with the guitar who'd had my attention since we walked over.

Fast forward about twenty minutes.  There was some arguing with God on my part and lots of God convincing me that somehow I could do this... that I was a good communicator. And suddenly, in the midst of my personal chaos, a feeling of overwhelming peace took over my overwhelming panic. We found that Kenneth was a charming young man who was excellent at his craft of playing guitar. We found that he walked with the Lord, but had recently strayed off the path. He worried that if he returned once again to his Father and fell back into the partying and the drugs, God wouldn't take him back again. We shared with him the story of the prodigal son. A story that, in my personal walk with Jesus, has given me hope. As we spoke words of life and truth and declared freedom over our new friend, I felt God sweetly speaking over me as well.

The voice of the Lord is sweet. It is soft and it speaks with love and authority. And I have found that although my stomach twists and turns, there is a peace that transcends it all. When you obey, the voice of Jesus whispers sweet expressions of hope; hope that resounds louder than the fear of the unknown.

Restless

Sometimes I feel restless. Anxious. Aching to be a place 1,500 miles away.

Restless.

Not because I'm bored or because I'm unhappy with the place I'm in, but restless because I fell in love with a place and a people I met in another world. And when I left, I left parts of myself with them... I left parts of myself in a place where suffering runs rampant, but hope for a better day has yet to fade.

The tension I feel as I go about my life here, wondering, and praying for my friends, can be a little overwhelming at times...

It keeps me up at night.

And sometimes I seem like a mess to other people when I can't explain 'what's wrong'. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

Because the days I spent there...

The days I spent covered in dirt, surrounded by the laughter of kids whom I had met just that day...

The days I spent sitting in the middle of houses put together by pieces of garbage...

The time I spent bawling my eyes out cuddling a five year old boy with Cerebral Palsy and coloring with an 18 year old boy struggling with the same...

Those days changed my life.

And as I sit here, plagued with emotions that I sometimes I feel I can't handle- praying, wishing, and hoping for my friends and for the day that my feet are back on that soil… I’m fully aware of a God who is Sovereign. I believe in a God who acts on our behalf even when we are not aware of it. I believe in a God who speaks in quiet whispers, gently reminding me of His goodness.

Journey to Guatemala {Deeper: Pt. Two}

This time tomorrow morning, our Guatemala team will be less than an hour out from landing in Guatemala City. I have been overwhelmed at the amount of support I have received on this journey. Thank you, for allowing me to not only fulfill a dream, but also say yes to my God and obey His calling in my life. If you are looking to support us while we are over there, prayers are so welcome!!! Pray that we would be open- open to what God has in store. Pray that our hearts and eyes would be open to what He has to show us... open to His Spirit and It's promptings. Prayers for immediate obedience. Prayers for safe travels and peace that comes only from God. Thank you, in advance, for these prayers... and thank you for the ones you have sent up even before this. God has been in even the smallest of details of this trip from the very beginning and I believe with every fiber of my being that what He has in store for these next five days will be life-changing for all.

Who knew that 6 months ago, when I asked God to take me deeper, that it would mean going to a place I'd never been, to love on a people I've never met. I'm in pretty deep. My feet are not touching the bottom and I'm not standing on my own. And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.


Waiting in expectation...
-Ellen

Details...

The closer we get to our trip date, the more my anticipation grows. I'm extremely excited to see not only what God does through me in another Country, but also what He does in my heart. The more research I do, the more my heart breaks for a country I've never been and for a people I have never met.  The anticipation and excitement about my trip is mixed with a slight nervousness regarding the details... funds, flights, etc... and even mixed among all of that, there's a peace I know comes only from my God. A peace that comes only from knowing He is in each of those details. He knows exactly how much money I will receive and when I will receive it. He knows exactly when my passport will arrive. He knows exactly what flight we will be on and how the weather will be that day. He knows exactly to whom I will speak while I'm there... whose hearts I will touch and who will touch mine... and in the midst of all these details and all this unknown, my God stands a rock. A fortress of firm foundation. All knowing and all powerful. My peace comes from knowing that the same God that called me to Guatemala is the very same God that works all things out for the good of those who love Him. It's in the very little details that I find my very big God.

Would you like to join me?

In the middle Guatemala City lies the largest dump in Latin America. The 11,000 people who live and work in and near Guatemala City Dump are referred to as “The Scavengers.” Their days consist of digging through piles and piles of unsanitary, dangerous trash, hoping to find something of value, to be sold for nothing more than a few pennies. They are viewed as little more than the trash they live and work in. They are Fathers, Mothers, Sons, and Daughters. 6,500 of them are children. They are taught to believe they are worthless and unimportant. They are God’s children. They are beautiful human-beings and they are being served a mighty injustice.

I am extremely excited to have been given the opportunity to join Alene Snodgrass and her team for a trip to Guatemala this coming October. We will be partnering with The Potter’s House, where their mission is to provide holistic opportunities for scavenger families by equipping them to be able to develop and transform their lives, families, and community. With this opportunity, I am simply answering God’s call to step out of my comfort zone and say yes to follow Him where my faith will be made stronger. I am praying He would align my heart with His. I am praying that I would be changed and my heart would break for what breaks my Father’s… that I would become uncomfortable and not sit back and allow God’s children to be treated so unjustly. 

My trip is scheduled for October 9^th-13^th and I need your support; both financially and in prayer. I must raise an estimated cost of $1,410.  If you would prayerfully consider supporting me in that way, I would be extremely grateful! If you feel led to do so, you can send your gift to me directly at 7913 Grizzley Dr. Corpus Christi, Texas 78414. If you would also join me in prayer, it would mean so much to me! Thank you so much for your love and support. I am so very blessed by you. I would not be able to do this without you. Thank you for helping me make a difference!

If you're looking for an invitation to join us on our trip, here's your invitation! 

To find out more about The Potter's House, visit 
http://www.pottershouse.org.gt/

 

“He gave justice and help to the poor and needy, and everything went well for him. Is that not what it means to know me? Says the Lord.” Jeremiah 22:16

DEEPER

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

WHEREVER You would call me

Take me DEEPER than my feet could ever wander

and my faith will be made stronger

in the presence of my Savior.

                                             -Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) // Hillsong United

This song is just wrecking my heart.

Anytime I learn music for something, I really try to make it about more than just learning a song. I want God to do something in me- change something, reveal something in my life and in my heart. Because there's something so powerful in leading a song that God has used to first wreck and change something in you... An authority to stand up and proclaim something that you now so firmly believe. So when I first started learning Oceans, my prayer was that God would do just that. Little did I know- I was in for more than I bargained for. (In a good way...) 

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders // Let me walk upon the waters // wherever You would call me

I'm really good at saying I trust God, but if you were to look a little deeper, you'd see that I definitely struggle with giving Him complete control of all areas of my life. As if He doesn't have control anyway... Full out surrender to God can be a little scary. Giving Him all areas of my life... God, if I give this to you, are you ever going to give it back? But maybe He's not asking us to be crazy about it. He's just asking us to trust Him. Asking us to take that first little step of Hey, God... I'm not really sure about this and I'm a little nervous, but here you go. I trust You. I TRUST YOU. You are GOOD and I trust You... and He'll walk us the rest of the way. And then, I think on the other side, we just might find that what we were holding on to for so long, really wasn't all that great anyway. 

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander // and my faith will be made stronger // in the presence of my Savior...

I'm not really sure where following Him is going to lead, but I do know that I'm going to follow Him anyway. Deeper. In relentless pursuit. Even to the places where my feet can't reach the bottom and I can't stand on my own. Because my God is good. He is deserving. He's been chasing me since before I even knew Him and my life would be wasted if I didn't chase Him back.