Restless

Sometimes I feel restless. Anxious. Aching to be a place 1,500 miles away.

Restless.

Not because I'm bored or because I'm unhappy with the place I'm in, but restless because I fell in love with a place and a people I met in another world. And when I left, I left parts of myself with them... I left parts of myself in a place where suffering runs rampant, but hope for a better day has yet to fade.

The tension I feel as I go about my life here, wondering, and praying for my friends, can be a little overwhelming at times...

It keeps me up at night.

And sometimes I seem like a mess to other people when I can't explain 'what's wrong'. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

Because the days I spent there...

The days I spent covered in dirt, surrounded by the laughter of kids whom I had met just that day...

The days I spent sitting in the middle of houses put together by pieces of garbage...

The time I spent bawling my eyes out cuddling a five year old boy with Cerebral Palsy and coloring with an 18 year old boy struggling with the same...

Those days changed my life.

And as I sit here, plagued with emotions that I sometimes I feel I can't handle- praying, wishing, and hoping for my friends and for the day that my feet are back on that soil… I’m fully aware of a God who is Sovereign. I believe in a God who acts on our behalf even when we are not aware of it. I believe in a God who speaks in quiet whispers, gently reminding me of His goodness.

Journey to Guatemala {Deeper: Pt. Two}

This time tomorrow morning, our Guatemala team will be less than an hour out from landing in Guatemala City. I have been overwhelmed at the amount of support I have received on this journey. Thank you, for allowing me to not only fulfill a dream, but also say yes to my God and obey His calling in my life. If you are looking to support us while we are over there, prayers are so welcome!!! Pray that we would be open- open to what God has in store. Pray that our hearts and eyes would be open to what He has to show us... open to His Spirit and It's promptings. Prayers for immediate obedience. Prayers for safe travels and peace that comes only from God. Thank you, in advance, for these prayers... and thank you for the ones you have sent up even before this. God has been in even the smallest of details of this trip from the very beginning and I believe with every fiber of my being that what He has in store for these next five days will be life-changing for all.

Who knew that 6 months ago, when I asked God to take me deeper, that it would mean going to a place I'd never been, to love on a people I've never met. I'm in pretty deep. My feet are not touching the bottom and I'm not standing on my own. And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.


Waiting in expectation...
-Ellen

DEEPER

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

WHEREVER You would call me

Take me DEEPER than my feet could ever wander

and my faith will be made stronger

in the presence of my Savior.

                                             -Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) // Hillsong United

This song is just wrecking my heart.

Anytime I learn music for something, I really try to make it about more than just learning a song. I want God to do something in me- change something, reveal something in my life and in my heart. Because there's something so powerful in leading a song that God has used to first wreck and change something in you... An authority to stand up and proclaim something that you now so firmly believe. So when I first started learning Oceans, my prayer was that God would do just that. Little did I know- I was in for more than I bargained for. (In a good way...) 

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders // Let me walk upon the waters // wherever You would call me

I'm really good at saying I trust God, but if you were to look a little deeper, you'd see that I definitely struggle with giving Him complete control of all areas of my life. As if He doesn't have control anyway... Full out surrender to God can be a little scary. Giving Him all areas of my life... God, if I give this to you, are you ever going to give it back? But maybe He's not asking us to be crazy about it. He's just asking us to trust Him. Asking us to take that first little step of Hey, God... I'm not really sure about this and I'm a little nervous, but here you go. I trust You. I TRUST YOU. You are GOOD and I trust You... and He'll walk us the rest of the way. And then, I think on the other side, we just might find that what we were holding on to for so long, really wasn't all that great anyway. 

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander // and my faith will be made stronger // in the presence of my Savior...

I'm not really sure where following Him is going to lead, but I do know that I'm going to follow Him anyway. Deeper. In relentless pursuit. Even to the places where my feet can't reach the bottom and I can't stand on my own. Because my God is good. He is deserving. He's been chasing me since before I even knew Him and my life would be wasted if I didn't chase Him back.